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The ungrateful child,
thorn that stabs his mother's flesh;
what to do with him?

         Loosen his bindings
         and freed, ask of his parents
         how he became such.
:iconprojectdfc: day 9 - sedoka.

The Sedoka is a Japanese form. It centres around the
idea of Questions and Answers. The syllabic count is
that of haiku (5,7,5) and there are 6 lines, 3 in each
stanza. The content can be of any theme but one
must question or mention something in the first, and
then either contradict or answer in the second. It's all
about leaving you guessing and making people think.

December 9th is International Children's Day.
Very short and blunt. I feel that I would have added details if I wrote it.The comparison with a thorn in one's side was an effective idea though. The next three lines are a puzzle. But it is true that when children make mistakes, we think about their parents. As this stands, it makes its point. I ask simply to make it longer. Describe how the boy is a thorn in his mother's flesh, and then what happens after freeing him. Re-submit under a new title, if you like. [In any case, I usually write full form poetry, so you are free to follow this advice.]
What do you think?
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Submitted on
December 10, 2012
File Size
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